musicalluna

Title: Union Jacked Up
Fandom: Psych
Author: MusicalLuna
Rating: T
Characters/Pairings: Shawn, Gus
Genre: Crack
Warnings: None
Complete: Yes
Summary: Shawn and Gus tour England.
A/N: New Years chatters requested a crackfic. Who am I to refuse them.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the recognizable stuff and Isis gave me permission to mock her home country. XD

"Gus stop twitching," Shawn whispered, flapping his hand at his squirming counterpart.

"This is weird, Shawn! Even for you!" Gus hissed back and tugged at the hem of his vivid blue skirt.

Shawn rolled his eyes and adjusted the huge floppy brim of his pink flowered hat. "Don't be ridiculous, Gus. We look brilliant."

He smoothed down the poofy skirt of his equally pink and flowery dress and lifted a cup of tea from the saucer in his hand, pinky extended fully outward. "The queen will love us."

Shawn lifted a silver platter from the table, holding it in Gus' reach. "Scone? Crumpet?"

Gus pushed the tray away with a dirty look. "No."

Glancing up as a man in a red uniform with a tall fuzzy black hat stepped into the enormous parlour they were waiting in, Shawn grinned. The man didn't speak, he merely waved a stately hand toward the door, looking stern. Shawn glanced at Gus and got to his feet, reaching around to make sure his skirt wasn't exposing his underthings. "I think that's our cue, dude. We're off to see the queen!"

Grudgingly, Gus got to his feet, carefully straightening his own skirt. "I hate you, Shawn."

They strode through the palace rooms, skirts swishing delicately around their calves and Shawn's hands folded primly in front of him. When they arrived in the throne room (btw I have no idea what i'm talking about) the Queen was sitting very stately-like on the throne, being very proper English and sipping gracefully at her tea. Because smiling was too casual for a prim English woman, she merely nodded her head and said, "Mr. Spencer, Mr. Guster. My, don't you look simply lovely."

Shawn curtsied dramatically and said, "Cheerio, your majesty! You're looking simply splendid today, too. Bloody beautiful, in fact!"

"Shawn!" Gus hissed. "That's not what they say! And I think 'bloody' is a curse word! You just cursed at the Queen!"

But the Queen broke into a grin despite her typical restraint and exclaimed, "Simply SMASHING, Mr. Spencer! We must do tea. Are you free tomorrow afternoon?"

Shawn shot Gus a smug look and replied, "Why yes, mum. We are quite free."

"Splendid. Meet me at the Giant Ferris Wheel Thingy That Indicates We're In London, England In Many Motion Pictures tomorrow afternoon."

"Chip chip cheerio, mum!" Shawn exclaimed.

Gus facepalmed.

The next afternoon they arrived promptly at tea time (whenever the hell that is), as promised, in front of the Giant Ferris Wheel Thingy That Indicates We're In London, England in Many Motion Pictures.

The Queen was dressed up in her best, which meant she wore enough sparkly diamonds to glitter like a walking regal-queen-shaped-disco-ball. Shawn and Gus had to wear stylish big sunglasses with their dresses just to look at her.

She clapped her hands gleefully and said, "I've brought you both *presents*!"

That was when two limos drove up, with giant fuzzy teddy bears wearing big Union Jack bows tied to the roofs. Shawn squealed with glee, his skirts bouncing along with the rim of his hat, which flopped so low only his lower half was visible. Gus shifted uncomfortably and wondered how the hell they were supposed to get those things home.

The queen then herded them onto the Giant Ferris Wheel Thingy That Indicates We're In London, England in Many Motion Pictures and they went round and round for hours discussing the weather and eating pancakes.

And thus Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster visited England.

The end.